Struggle

I sit here tonight with tears in my eyes. That is nothing new...the overwhelming sadness and hurt hit me at different times of the day, particularly when the school day ends until my eyes close and my mind shuts down for a few hours. 

Recently I've blogged about surrendering to God's will and resting in His peace and sovereignty, but right now that doesn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks. Despite his betrayal I can't help still missing him. Oh yes I pray, I cling to the precious Word of God and still the tears come. 

There is a reason God tells us in Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart. for everything you do flows from it." Wise words. Words to live by. 

I am God's creation. I am His daughter. I am redeemed. He made me who I am- with my strengths and my weaknesses, my personality, my quirks and my heart. I have a big heart. I love with all my heart. When I decide to enter into a relationship with someone-even a friendship-I am committed. I give 100%. It can be a blessing and a curse. It's a balancing act and lessons are learned the hard way. 

After college I walked away from God (see previous posts) and decided I was going to do things my way. I was going to get my happily ever after. My way was many lessons learned the hard way-for 3 years (I guess I'm also a little stubborn-one of my weaknesses). When I turned back to God I was determined to wait on Him. I guarded my heart. So when I believed God's fingerprints were all over this relationship, how did I end up here? 

I don't know. Plain and simple. I might not know. That is where the trusting, the surrendering and the sovereignty of God comes back around. God knows. His timing, His plans, His steadfast love restoring this broken heart and sustaining me day to day even when the tears are rolling down my cheeks. 

Did I mention that God knows what we need when we need it? This popped up on my Facebook feed last night. God knows, dear friends, God knows!