Monday, October 21, 2013

Failure and Grace

Since school began my blog has taken a backseat to the endless piles of school work that keep me working into the late afternoon, that occupies my time in the evening and that definitely sucks up the majority of the weekend. Don't get me wrong-I love my job-but what happens when my job becomes my priority and focus above my time with God? A tempted, ungrateful, complaining mess! 

Yup that's me! I find my life backward and upside down right now. I feel unsettled and restless, pain-ridden and exhausted, frustrated and guilty. Guilty? Yes, because I know the precious truths written in the greatest love letter I will ever receive. God has given me His Son, broken and bloody, on that cross because He loves me. His Son rose on the third day to defeat death and the grave. To give me life everlasting. Yet I long for what I do not have. I long for that husband, those children and yes, my health again. Oh to feel like a real 30 year old again. To be able to run and jump and live without pain. How I long for heaven though God's plan keeps me here on earth. 

I think these things and then GRACE falls down like rain around me-that extra hour of less pain, the open doctors appointment that should have taken months, the beautiful children that light up each morning when they arrive at school, the encouraging words and prayers from people who might not even know how much I appreciate them. God gives me so much to be grateful for each day. He gives me each day! He gives me grace each day! He walks with me each day and I know that sometimes He really does carry me, because I cannot imagine life without Him. 

So you might ask what is the solution for this mess I am? A refocusing of my priorities. Making God first by spending time in His Word and in prayer. Having gratitude instead of negativity. Knowing that He is sovereign and has EVERYTHING under control. 

Be still and know that I am God ~Psalm 46:10

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