Reject: to refuse to have, take, recognize, etc.; to refuse to accept; to discard as useless or unsatisfactory; to cast out or eject (www.dictionary.com)
Many times over the course of our lives we will feel rejection. Rejection comes in many forms, but the most common form is in our relationships. Rejection in relationship starts at an early age- in elementary school, on the sports team, in dating...Someone always feels left out, rejected, not good enough. That is how I have felt many times over the last 8 years as friends meet "the one", get engaged, get married, get pregnant, etc. The voice in my head tells me there is something wrong with me, that I am not pretty enough or thin enough or godly enough (insert your struggle). It is what keeps popping into my head as I write this.
You see, I thought I had met the guy I was going to marry. It was a set-up and it went remarkably well (I can be incredibly shy-so to feel comfortable around someone new- especially a guy- especially a guy who could be The Guy-was amazing). He asked my friend for my number, we talked over the next few days for hours. I ran an errand with him. As I got to know him, I remember telling God- he is everything I have wanted in a guy. "God, I cannot believe it! Could this really be the one I am going to marry? The guy that together we can serve You better and bring more glory to Your name- than apart? Will this be the one who will love me like you love the church? Will this man be the father of my children?" *I thank God each day for what a good listener He is :)*
And then just like that- POOF! The texts stopped, the calls vanished, my heart broke. Yet, I told God that maybe He just wanted me to wait, wait for the right time, the time that He has planned for this guy and me to start a relationship. I waited and waited...a phone call came. Then a few weeks later another. Then a few more weeks passed and another. Finally, I told him that I liked him and that I did not understand the silence and the random phone calls. He told me he liked to become friends with a girl and did not like to rush into things. This should have been my first warning sign, because how can you be friends with someone and get to know them if you don't ever talk or spend time together?
Then he called one Friday night after 9pm and said he needed to pick something up at his work. Did I want to come? And of course, I jumped at the chance to spend time with him-no matter the hour! It was wonderful, but the words came out again-warning sign number 2 that I refused to dwell on- "I am not ready to get married yet. I am not looking for a wife right now." Okay so why am I here? You know how I feel about you. (Those thoughts were only in my head) Then I get another phone call yet again a few weeks later and then silence.
Nevertheless, I still thought in the back of my mind that he could be the one. I know- you are thinking-yikes! how stupid is this girl? I agree with my mind, but my heart is a different story. Anyway, yesterday he called and for 3 minutes we talked and he said he would call me back. Do you think he has? No and so I sit here writing about rejection because that is the bottom line. He does not like me like that, he does not want me in his life, he does not even want to get to know me more-REJECTED! And I think what is wrong with me?
Then I hear a different voice in my head saying, "I love you unconditionally, I will love you always, I will never leave you, Nothing can separate you from My love, I loved you so much I sent my son to die for you, He loved you so much that He laid down His life for you and took your sin and shame on Himself to give you an eternal gift- the gift of everlasting life. I have made you and formed you and have great and mighty plans for you because that is Who I am. I am the great I AM, I am your King, I am your Savior, I am the lover of your soul and I want you with me for eternity."
Do you need to hear those words today? Open a Bible and read the promises of God-every one will come true. God is healing my broken heart. He can heal yours too.
Linking with Titus 2 Tuesdays